Robots Make Better Friends


Molly Sikes

Kahner Hitchcock plans on majoring in computer science after high school

Molly Sikes, Editor

Kahner Hitchcock has become known to his friends as a “robot”, due to his large knowledge of computers, seeming lack of emotions, and famously deep voice that can only be explained by advanced computer programming. While all signs point to robot on Kahner, is it necessarily a bad thing?

First, I would like to establish a bit of backstory on our mechanical friend. He lived in Branson for most of his life before his house burned down. After the tragedy, his family made its home in Fredericktown, and Kahner began school here. Kahner shared his thoughts with me on the move from big city to small town: “There is definitely way more to do in Branson; here, I just sit at home.” Despite the lack of activity, he still is ready for just about anything. He will find adventure in anything, even if its just giving a friend a ride home.

His friends, however, repay him by referring to him as a robot. This is taken lightly, though, for it is common for them to have roast sessions on each other daily. Kahner, whose robot brain allows him to think quickly and wittily, often shuts down any comments with a joke, and the session is won. Although they spend a lot of time roasting each other, the group is pretty tightly knit, spending lots of time together playing video games or just talking.

Another one of Kahner’s skills is playing video games. He has been playing the game Rainbow Six: Siege for about three years and has obtained the highest rank available in the game. Along with knowledge of games on the PC, he also knows  plenty about building PCs and computers in general. He can and will answer any questions that one may have about computers, another robotic ability of his.

The last mechanical skill of Kahner’s is is insane guitar skills. He is self-taught and learned every song he knows how to play by ear, meaning he does not read music. This ability to listen, recall, and replay can only be the workings of a computerized brain and mechanical hands. It still leads to great entertainment at parties and gatherings, though.

So, even though we are pretty sure Kahner Hitchcock is definitely a robot, he still makes great company and will do great things.